My best friend is going through one of the worst possible circumstances I’ve ever heard of. This has happened before with another friend….a life altering circumstance that seems like a black hole of unending depth, sorrow, and muck. How can you be a friend to someone in such turmoil? Often times I feel completely helpless for her. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to help, and I don’t really even know how to pray. It’s gut wrenching, my heart hurts (along with hers), and I truly can’t imagine the pain she must have to process minute by minute each day. It’s the kind of thing that you think can’t get worse, but it does. The kind of pain that comes in every direction and effects every part of her life. She is a rock star, though, and is taking one day at a time, trusting the Lord, and trying to thrive through this. I, on the other hand, feel like I’m failing as a friend, am not handling things well at all, and am sad a lot. I can’t even really imagine how I’d handle all she’s going through if it were me. I think I’d just curl up in a ball, cry all the time, and not be able to function. Yes, I’d try to pray, and try to trust God, but I would be so hurt and angry, I don’t know how well I’d do anything.
I also have a lot of fear. Because this has happened before, I know that it can devastate a friendship. It can cause emotional distance because of the major life changes, it can even cause moves across many miles. I don’t think either side desires the distance, really, but it can occur. I think I am very cautious with friendships as it is. I don’t allow myself to get too close to too many people because I’ve been hurt deeply before and, because I’m an introvert and many people don’t understand an introvert. But, I do love my friends. I try to be a good friend, and hope that I am. I’m just very careful who I truly open myself up to. But, once you’re in my inner circle, I love you. I would do anything for you. I hurt, empathize, sympathize, hold accountable, and hope you will feel comfortable enough to do the same for me. Most do (if they come into that inner circle). I open up a part of me that few know. And, I trust that all will be held in confidence.
And, then there’s anger. I get angry at the people who wrongly judge, who don’t understand what’s been happening, yet cast their opinions or views to my friend. Christian people who can’t possibly understand what all has happened, who get ugly with and confront her. People who really have no business doing so because they don’t know and don’t understand. They think they are trying to help her, or hold her accountable to something that they feel is a standard set for believers, yet who rather should be supporting her, understanding her, believing she is doing the right things, and has been praying and seeking the Lord in and through it all. This is hard enough for her, after all, she doesn’t need the extra condemnation.
And when these awful life circumstances occur, I get lost. I don’t know what to do, or how to appropriately respond. I pray, of course. I don’t always know HOW to pray, but I do pray. I try to help however help is needed. In one of these circumstances, I didn’t know what to do, so I organized a group of ladies to go over to my friend’s home and clean it. Really clean it. A good amount of help showed up while the friend was not at home, and we really made a big difference, and I think that my friend greatly appreciated it. It really wasn’t much, but it was something. I didn’t have a clue what else I could do! Another friend, I took a homemade basket of fruit to. Still, so simple, but it was something that I could do, and that I knew she could use. Other times I’ve thought of things that I thought would be helpful that my friend was nowhere near ready for, and I end up hurting her further. Those are really difficult to take, as my intentions were certainly to help, not to hurt. Being a friend in difficult times can be so hard.
These times are so hard. You hear more and more unbelievably awful things happening these days. I can’t help but believe that the end is near. Jesus will be coming back soon. I can’t wait until that day when there will be no more pain, hurt, sadness, and heartache. We will truly be free. Until that time, we must press on, seek His face, try to be the best person we can despite awful circumstances, and pray continually.
Has anything like this happened to you or someone you love? What do you do? How do you show your friendship? I’d love to hear. Maybe it will help me to better know how to help when my friends are suffering. That’s really all I want to do…..help.
Best thing you can ever do is pray, listen, and if need be sit in silence. The roller coaster of life causes so many emotions that your friend may seem crazy at times from one extreme to the next. Life happens and the best you can do is love them where they are at.